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"Moment Of Clarity"

April 8th, 2011 – Posted by Andrew Rohrer in Recovery News
Tags: clarity identification


I went alone to my second AA meeting.  I felt hopeless based on my first meeting, but I was out of options.

 Early in the meeting, a man at the podium identified as an addict.  Another man in the audience stood up and said,” This is an AA meeting.  I hope you can find it in your heart to identify as an alcoholic.  If you can’t, it is the rule of our fellowship that you not share.”

 The room went berserk.  People were on their feet, arguing pro and con.  A man who I’d never met before leaned over and confided to me, “There are two kinds of people in AA—those that thrive on conflict, and those that avoid it at all costs.”  I could see he was right, and I also understood I was an avoider.  I was seeing AA at its most human—vital, alive, imperfect.

 Later in the same meeting, I was listening intently as the speaker said, “I’m not like some of us in the program, I’ve never been to jail, I’ve never been hospitalized.”  Yeah, I thought to myself, I’ve never been to jail or hospitalized.  What am I doing here? 

 A calm but assured voice inside simply began to list consequences that I had long denied, but that now seemed so obvious.  And with that moment of clarity I knew I was, as strange as it seemed, home.

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