Addiction, Treatment and Recovery

(Ages 7 and up)
From the book Discovery . . . Finding the Buried Treasure by Jerry Moe
This activity goes beyond helping youngsters understand that family addiction is not their fault. While this game helps children know in their hearts that they are not responsible for their parents’ problems, it also guides them in learning how they can take good care of themselves. Youngsters come to realize that self-care is ultimately their most important responsibility. DESCRIPTION The facilitator distributes the updated ‘Alphabet Soup Revisited’ sheets (see example at the end of this activity) to group members. One by one, youngsters volunteer to read one of the Seven C’s. The children briefly discuss the meaning of each C and share how it applies to their lives before moving on to the next C. The facilitator then explains that the Seven C’s can actually be divided into two parts, things you are not responsible for (the first three C’s) and things you are (the final four C’s). A discussion follows in which the group differentiates between these two categories. The facilitator reiterates that children can’t make their parents’ problems better but that they can learn to take care of themselves.
Now youngsters can either color their Alphabet Soup Revisited sheet with crayons and markers or draw a picture on the back of the sheet. The pictures can either illustrate how family addiction really isn’t the children’s fault or show a new way children can take good care of themselves. Another option, if time permits, is to divide the Seven C’s among group members and have them make collages illustrating the message of each C. Youngsters paste the pictures and words they cut out of magazines onto large poster boards. During group discussion, children look at the various collages and guess which C each one represents. EXAMPLE Frankie had difficulty playing Alphabet Soup Revisited. He told the group facilitator that he was very angry he had to do a collage about CELEBRATE me. “It’s not fair. Why can’t I do one on can’t CONTROL or can’t CURE?” this twelve-year-old bluntly asked the facilitator. Not getting the response he wanted, Frankie sat in a corner and stared off into space. After a few minutes had passed, the facilitator approached Frankie and validated his anger. “It’s real hard for you to let go of Mom’s problems and just focus on yourself,” the facilitator gently offered. Tears quickly welled up in Frankie’s eyes as he nodded affirmatively. Even though he never completed the collage, he clearly got the point of this exercise. AFFIRMATIONS

• “It’s important to take good care of myself.”
• “I can let go of my parents’ problems.”
• “I’m learning about what I’m responsible for and what I’m not.”

COMMENTS Whether children draw pictures or make collages, hang the artwork on the walls during subsequent sessions. It will serve as a powerful visual reminder of exactly what youngsters can and can’t do in their daily lives.
It’s often necessary, particularly with younger children, for the facilitator to provide extra assistance and support as the group members work on their drawings and/or collages. Simply roaming the room and checking in with each child can make a big difference. MATERIALS (The last four items are for the collage option)

• Alphabet Soup Revisited sheets
• Crayons and markers
• Poster board
• Magazines
• Scissors
• Glue

The Evolution of an Activity The 7 C’s actually started out quite humbly as the 4 C’s. They are featured in the 1989 book Kids’ Power: Healing Games for Children of Alcoholics by Jerry Moe and Dan Pohlman. They are included in an activity named Alphabet Soup.
The 4 C’s

• I didn’t CAUSE the alcoholism.
• I can’t CONTROL it.
• I can’t CURE it.
• But I can learn how to COPE with it.

The Betty Ford Children’s Program prides itself on always making programs fit children and not making children fit programs. It became clear to me that youth had some difficulty in understanding what COPE means. Somehow it needed to be more clearly and thoroughly delineated. The other limitation here is that the 4 C’s, which really impart important and essential information, only tell children what they can’t do. The addition of the extra C’s lets kids know what they can do.
Remember that the children are the experts. They continuously help make all the activities here better and more meaningful. We encourage you to modify and adapt all the activities here to best meet the needs of the children and families you serve.
Elizabeth Devine is the Clinical Coordinator of Five Star Kids, the Betty Ford Children’s Program in Texas. Take a good look at how she has adapted the 7 C’s activity to make it more meaningful and engaging for kids. 7 C’s Game Purpose: To address the concept of the Serenity Prayer in a child-friendly way. To explain to the children what they can and can’t control. To help the children learn practical ways of focusing more on themselves than their loved ones with an addiction. To combat the common misguided beliefs of children of addicted parents. Making the bracelets allows for a kinesthetic experience and lets the children go away with a fun and tangible reminder of what they’ve learned. The children also are given a chance to diffuse their energy and emotions after the review of the 7 C’s.

• Either cover the C words on the posters or write out the 7 C’s and create blanks for where the C words go. Create a word bank where the C words are listed in a jumbled order.
• Explain to the kids that they are all on the same team, and that they will together try to fill in all 7 blanks. For each blank that they fill in, they will receive a “C” bead to be used for the bracelet they will get a chance to make. Show the children a pre-made 7 C’s bracelet.
• Once a child is chosen, have them fill in the blank using the word bank. If a child is stuck, they can call on someone else on their team who has their hand raised. After the child has filled in the blank, discuss each 7 C statement.
  1. I didn’t CAUSE it. Another person’s addiction can never be a kid’s fault.
     1. I want you to pretend that you go to school and you get in a fight with another kid and go to the principal’s office. When you get home you have a report card waiting for you and it is not good. You then go and pour yourself some milk and spill it all over the table. That person in your family comes in, sees the milk, yells at you and then guzzles a beer. Was that person’s drinking your fault? No. Did you put that alcohol in their mouth? No. We talked about how addiction is a disease. Did you give them a disease? No.
  2. I can’t CONTROL it. They choose to use or not to use.
     1. Ask the kids if they have ever tried to keep someone in their family from using. Allow them to share times they may have hid, poured out or destroyed their parents’ drugs or alcohol. Also talk about how sometimes kids try to be perfect so that they won’t upset their parents or stress them out. Sometimes kids beg or they police their parents. Point out that if a person with addiction decides they are going to use that day, there is nothing anyone can do to stop them, especially not a kid. Point out that the kids are off the hook. It is not their job to try to stop them.
  3. I can’t CURE it. It’s a disease and can come back, but people do get better.
     1. Ask the kids if they have the cure for cancer. What about for diabetes? Well, do they know how to treat cancer or diabetes? No. There are people who are specially trained to help people with the disease of addiction, but that is not a kid’s job. Also, talk about how a person with addiction will always have it, but that they can get better. That once a person learns how to stay away from drugs and alcohol, they can be just as healthy and happy as anyone without a disease.
     2. Personal Story: My dad didn’t drink anything for 8 years. Was he still an alcoholic? What do you think would have happened if after 8 years he thought he would have just one beer? He would relapse. My dad actually relapsed several times but eventually he figured out how to stay healthy through T&R (Treatment and Recovery). If you would have met him, you would have no idea he had the disease of addiction. He was fun to be around.
     3. Think of it like this, let’s pretend addiction is this little monster that lives inside. What does it eat and drink? Drugs and alcohol or whatever that person may be addicted to. So the more drugs and alcohol you feed it, the bigger and crazier it gets. The person is making bad choices and getting sicker and sicker and wants more and more. But, if that person can ask for help and stop doing drugs or drinking alcohol it gets weaker and weaker, and finally it gets so weak that it’s like its sleeping. It’s always there but it’s not really bothering anyone.
  4. But, I can help take CARE of myself. My #1 job is to be a kid!
     1. Ask the kids if they have ever felt like they were the adult in the home. A lot of times, kids find themselves taking care of their siblings, feeding others in the family or even parenting the adults in the house. Ask the children what a kid’s job should be. A kid’s job is to learn about the world around them and have fun! Let the kids know that kids are able to help take care of themselves. They know they will get stinky if they don’t take a shower or how to pick out their clothes, but a kid should always have an adult there to help them and watch out for them no matter what. It is also never a kid’s job to take care of an adult. If an adult needs help, a kid needs to find another adult to help out.
     2. To illustrate: What would you do if you came in and saw the person you care about who has addiction lying on the couch? You try to get them up, but they want you to leave them alone. You’re pretty sure they haven’t eaten or showered in a long time and you’re afraid that your brothers and sisters are going to need some food and someone to take care of them. What should you do? Sometimes the kids will brainstorm ways they could handle the situation. Keep listening to the kids’ ideas until one figures out that it would be best to call a safe person.
  5. I can COMMUNICATE my feelings, by talking, drawing and writing.
     1. Ask the kids what two ways we have done this so far. (Talking and drawing.) Mention how sometimes writing can help and that can be poetry, journaling or just writing your story. Talk with the kids about other ways to let their rocks out too. (i.e., crying, hitting or screaming into a pillow, tearing or scribbling on paper, running to get out your energy, listening to music.) You may also want to mention here the ways to let your anger out, but mention that it is not okay to hurt themselves or anyone else with your words or actions. It is also not okay to destroy anything that is important or valuable.
     2. To illustrate: Let’s say you’re super, super angry and you go home and rip up yesterday’s newspaper. Is that ok? Sure. You’re so very mad that you walk in your room and punch the wall. Is that ok? No. You hurt yourself and damaged something valuable. You’re super, duper mad and you go home, grab your pillow, scream into it and then hit it really hard. Is that ok? Sure. You’re so crazy angry that you go home and kick the dog. Is that ok? NO!
  6. I can make healthy CHOICES by choosing not to use drugs or alcohol.
     1. Talk to the kids about how it is important to have a plan if someone offers them drugs or alcohol and ask them various ways to say no. (i. e., I’ve got a lot of homework. I’m allergic. I’ve got to get to my baseball game…) Also remind them that they are at a greater risk of becoming addicted when someone in their family has addiction, but that addiction can never get them if they never try drugs or alcohol.
  7. I can CELEBRATE myself. I am special! I can _________________.
     1. Share with the kids that a lot of times when there are family problems about addiction, kids can start to feel down about themselves, and it is important to remember the things that make them special. Ask the kids what they are proud of or enjoy doing.
• You can finish this activity by pointing out how it is like the Serenity Prayer. The things in red (the first 3 C’s) are the things we can’t control. The things in green (the last 4 C’s) are the things we can. Explain what serenity means.
• Pass out bracelet cord and colored beads to each child. It can create a more fun atmosphere if you put on fun, kid-friendly music. Provide these guidelines:
  1. Must use all 7 C’s
  2. Has to be a bracelet
  3. Everyone gets to make one 7 C’s bracelet and, if facilitator approves, they can make an additional one without C beads.

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4. Family Recovery Means Children Too!