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Andrew Rohrer
Andrew Rohrer has been a lecturer and group facilitator for the BFC Family Program since 2007. With a degree and a lifelong interest in the theater, and special training in psychodrama, his lectures are lively and engaging. He brings life experience as a person in recovery, an adult child of an alcoholic, and as a parent, to his work with families. Andrew is a Certified Alcoholism and Other Drug Addictions Recovery Specialist (CAS).
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The Steps Work You – Fifth Step
August 8th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I did my Fifth Step with my sponsor sitting on lawn chairs in a park in Santa Monica. I feared that in sharing my secrets with my sponsor, he would find me contemptible. I was disappointed when it was over. I was expecting…something. But there was no white light. Then again, I had told the truth about what I could recall, and my sponsor had not rejected me, neither had his head exploded from hearing of my loathsome behavior. The thought occurred to me, had I made my secrets seem impossibly heinous when, in fact, they were simply the stuff of human frailty and...
August 8th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I did my Fifth Step with my sponsor sitting on lawn chairs in a park in Santa Monica. I feared that in sharing my secrets with my sponsor, he would find me contemptible. I was disappointed when it was over. I was expecting…something. But there was no white light. Then again, I had told the truth about what I could recall, and my sponsor had not rejected me, neither had his head exploded from hearing of my loathsome behavior. The thought occurred to me, had I made my secrets seem impossibly heinous when, in fact, they were simply the stuff of human frailty and...
“Meeting Makers Make It”
June 21st, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I thought I was just going to a meeting. In the beginning, I went to meetings mostly on the west side of greater L.A. – Santa Monica, Venice, Culver City, Marina Del Ray. In order to meet my goal of a meeting a day, I often left my work in West Hollywood each day at noon to attend a meeting. I also attended a few meetings in Beverly Hills, and I went to the giant Pacific Group meeting on Sunset Boulevard (everyone should, at least once.) I went to a meeting in Bishop, CA and another in Mammoth. I went to a meeting in Yosemite Valley, where a local was so glad to see us he cried, and my...
June 21st, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I thought I was just going to a meeting. In the beginning, I went to meetings mostly on the west side of greater L.A. – Santa Monica, Venice, Culver City, Marina Del Ray. In order to meet my goal of a meeting a day, I often left my work in West Hollywood each day at noon to attend a meeting. I also attended a few meetings in Beverly Hills, and I went to the giant Pacific Group meeting on Sunset Boulevard (everyone should, at least once.) I went to a meeting in Bishop, CA and another in Mammoth. I went to a meeting in Yosemite Valley, where a local was so glad to see us he cried, and my...
Love the One You are With
June 6th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I‘ve heard it said that if drinking and using was the only thing wrong with me, everything should have been fine when I stopped. But of course, it wasn‘t. Once I had some time to heal without re-injuring myself, I learned that I had a legacy of difficulty with emotional intimacy due to being raised by a family dealing with, or rather, not dealing with, addictive disease. In my first year of recovery, I was on the rebound from my second marriage. Even I could see that I wasn‘t well enough for a romantic relationship. Luckily, I was also terrified of involvement and committed to...
June 6th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I‘ve heard it said that if drinking and using was the only thing wrong with me, everything should have been fine when I stopped. But of course, it wasn‘t. Once I had some time to heal without re-injuring myself, I learned that I had a legacy of difficulty with emotional intimacy due to being raised by a family dealing with, or rather, not dealing with, addictive disease. In my first year of recovery, I was on the rebound from my second marriage. Even I could see that I wasn‘t well enough for a romantic relationship. Luckily, I was also terrified of involvement and committed to...
“Late Bloomer”
May 30th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I was almost ten years sober in September of 2001. I was living in New York City about a mile from Ground Zero. I had to show my ID to the National Guard just to get to my apartment. I was laid off from the sales job I had with a media company the week after 9/11. As I started to look for more of the same kind of work, I felt utterly deflated—I knew that I had to make a change. I was scared and unsure. I thought that if I proposed to my family that I was going to go back to school to do something else, that I would be greeted with outrage and criticism. When I announced that I was...
May 30th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
I was almost ten years sober in September of 2001. I was living in New York City about a mile from Ground Zero. I had to show my ID to the National Guard just to get to my apartment. I was laid off from the sales job I had with a media company the week after 9/11. As I started to look for more of the same kind of work, I felt utterly deflated—I knew that I had to make a change. I was scared and unsure. I thought that if I proposed to my family that I was going to go back to school to do something else, that I would be greeted with outrage and criticism. When I announced that I was...
“Willingness”
May 20th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Somewhere around my sixth year of sobriety, I was in New York City on a business trip. I was also taking my 10-year old daughter from L.A., where she had been living with me, to her new home with her mom so she could start school in September. I was moving to New York in December. It was August, and the city was a steam bath. I’d spent the day calling on customers for the company I worked for, and I’d targeted an AA meeting at the end of the day. I was haunted by self doubt about my recovery. I kept asking myself, “Was I willing to go to any lengths?” It had been a...
May 20th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Somewhere around my sixth year of sobriety, I was in New York City on a business trip. I was also taking my 10-year old daughter from L.A., where she had been living with me, to her new home with her mom so she could start school in September. I was moving to New York in December. It was August, and the city was a steam bath. I’d spent the day calling on customers for the company I worked for, and I’d targeted an AA meeting at the end of the day. I was haunted by self doubt about my recovery. I kept asking myself, “Was I willing to go to any lengths?” It had been a...
“What Goes Around Comes Around”
May 13th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Newly sober, it was awkward living with my spouse after we had agreed that we would separate. She grew up in an alcoholic home and didn’t think much of her mother’s program, or the 12-Step program in general. But my awakening to my spiritual needs, and my growing autonomy, contributed to her beginning a search for something for herself. She took up yoga. My soon-to-be ex and I teased one another about our respective spiritual efforts—I joked about her Southern California woo-woo, she joked about my 12 Step clichés—with relatively good humor. Her yoga group was...
May 13th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Newly sober, it was awkward living with my spouse after we had agreed that we would separate. She grew up in an alcoholic home and didn’t think much of her mother’s program, or the 12-Step program in general. But my awakening to my spiritual needs, and my growing autonomy, contributed to her beginning a search for something for herself. She took up yoga. My soon-to-be ex and I teased one another about our respective spiritual efforts—I joked about her Southern California woo-woo, she joked about my 12 Step clichés—with relatively good humor. Her yoga group was...
“Rude Awakening”
May 6th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Herberto (I’ll call him here) continued to maintain that his cravings had lifted and that relapse was not an option after nine months of treatment in the methadone to abstinence therapeutic community where I was his counselor. No amount of coaxing him to consider that he might have a different experience outside a protected environment succeeded in getting him to take relapse prevention planning to heart. Instead, he reassured me in his heavily Spanish accented English that I needn’t worry, he was okay. One day, he came into my office and sat down. He was quite...
May 6th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Herberto (I’ll call him here) continued to maintain that his cravings had lifted and that relapse was not an option after nine months of treatment in the methadone to abstinence therapeutic community where I was his counselor. No amount of coaxing him to consider that he might have a different experience outside a protected environment succeeded in getting him to take relapse prevention planning to heart. Instead, he reassured me in his heavily Spanish accented English that I needn’t worry, he was okay. One day, he came into my office and sat down. He was quite...
“Right Sized”
April 29th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
The first meeting I went to should have been ideal, considering my grandiosity—it was a candlelight meeting, musicians and actors, a beautiful Quaker meeting house, French doors opening onto a garden, lots of leather pants and native American jewelry, the epitome of hip, slick and cool—but I remember my despair that even here, this place I didn’t want to be, I didn’t feel like enough. A couple of days later, desperately white-knuckling it, I took myself to another meeting. This one was in a park rec room – speaker meeting, overhead fluorescents, linoleum floors, metal...
April 29th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
The first meeting I went to should have been ideal, considering my grandiosity—it was a candlelight meeting, musicians and actors, a beautiful Quaker meeting house, French doors opening onto a garden, lots of leather pants and native American jewelry, the epitome of hip, slick and cool—but I remember my despair that even here, this place I didn’t want to be, I didn’t feel like enough. A couple of days later, desperately white-knuckling it, I took myself to another meeting. This one was in a park rec room – speaker meeting, overhead fluorescents, linoleum floors, metal...
“Rice”
April 22nd, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Out to dinner one night with my wife and some friends, a man approached our table. “I’m sorry to interrupt” he said “but you were my counselor last year, and I wanted you to know that I went to outpatient treatment as you recommended and something happened. Do you remember that you told me that I had the habit of emptying out my rice bowl after someone had been kind enough to fill it for me? Well, I get it—I don’t empty my rice bowl anymore. I’ve started up my practice again, and most incredible, my son actually wants to spend time with me! I just wanted to say how...
April 22nd, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Out to dinner one night with my wife and some friends, a man approached our table. “I’m sorry to interrupt” he said “but you were my counselor last year, and I wanted you to know that I went to outpatient treatment as you recommended and something happened. Do you remember that you told me that I had the habit of emptying out my rice bowl after someone had been kind enough to fill it for me? Well, I get it—I don’t empty my rice bowl anymore. I’ve started up my practice again, and most incredible, my son actually wants to spend time with me! I just wanted to say how...
“New Paradigm”
April 15th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I wasn’t looking for a sponsor—I could barely get past my shame enough to identify as a newcomer—when I was approached by a guy at a meeting. “You’re new, aren’t you?” he said. “Do you have a sponsor?” he said. “I’ll be your temporary sponsor.” he said. I heard temporary and thought, “Temporary, great. I can blow this guy off the minute he makes demands on me.” So I said okay. It turned out that he didn’t have a car, so he had me give him rides to and from the meeting, which meant I had to show up. He got me the book...
April 15th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I wasn’t looking for a sponsor—I could barely get past my shame enough to identify as a newcomer—when I was approached by a guy at a meeting. “You’re new, aren’t you?” he said. “Do you have a sponsor?” he said. “I’ll be your temporary sponsor.” he said. I heard temporary and thought, “Temporary, great. I can blow this guy off the minute he makes demands on me.” So I said okay. It turned out that he didn’t have a car, so he had me give him rides to and from the meeting, which meant I had to show up. He got me the book...
“Moment of Clarity”
April 8th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I went alone to my second AA meeting. I felt hopeless based on my first meeting, but I was out of options. Early in the meeting, a man at the podium identified as an addict. Another man in the audience stood up and said,” This is an AA meeting. I hope you can find it in your heart to identify as an alcoholic. If you can’t, it is the rule of our fellowship that you not share.” The room went berserk. People were on their feet, arguing pro and con. A man who I’d never met before leaned over and confided to me, “There are two kinds of people in AA—those that...
April 8th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I went alone to my second AA meeting. I felt hopeless based on my first meeting, but I was out of options. Early in the meeting, a man at the podium identified as an addict. Another man in the audience stood up and said,” This is an AA meeting. I hope you can find it in your heart to identify as an alcoholic. If you can’t, it is the rule of our fellowship that you not share.” The room went berserk. People were on their feet, arguing pro and con. A man who I’d never met before leaned over and confided to me, “There are two kinds of people in AA—those that...
“Listening Through”
April 1st, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
My first job in chemical dependency treatment was as an overnight tech for Hazelden’s residential facility on 17 th Street on the east side of Manhattan. One night at 11:30 as I came on for my shift, an 18-year old female resident was crying in the office. After a lengthy conversation with the tech that I was relieving, she had admitted that she had smoked pot earlier that day. Since the facility had a zero tolerance policy, she was told that she would have to spend the night downstairs, sleeping in the parlor, until her mother could come in the next morning and picked her up....
April 1st, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
My first job in chemical dependency treatment was as an overnight tech for Hazelden’s residential facility on 17 th Street on the east side of Manhattan. One night at 11:30 as I came on for my shift, an 18-year old female resident was crying in the office. After a lengthy conversation with the tech that I was relieving, she had admitted that she had smoked pot earlier that day. Since the facility had a zero tolerance policy, she was told that she would have to spend the night downstairs, sleeping in the parlor, until her mother could come in the next morning and picked her up....
God Shot
March 18th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
Not quite two years sober, sitting at my desk at my job in West Hollywood in July, I had a moment of clarity; I was never going anywhere if I didn’t make a plan. I picked up the phone and made a reservation for my five-year old daughter and me in Yosemite for the following December. Insecure as a parent, with our relationship still in the healing process, I began to take weekend camping trips with her and buddies from AA. When December rolled around though, no one was available to come along with us. It was the largest snowfall in the Sierra’s in fifty years, with some of...
March 18th, 2011 / BFC Insights / Andrew Rohrer
Not quite two years sober, sitting at my desk at my job in West Hollywood in July, I had a moment of clarity; I was never going anywhere if I didn’t make a plan. I picked up the phone and made a reservation for my five-year old daughter and me in Yosemite for the following December. Insecure as a parent, with our relationship still in the healing process, I began to take weekend camping trips with her and buddies from AA. When December rolled around though, no one was available to come along with us. It was the largest snowfall in the Sierra’s in fifty years, with some of...
“Gladly”
March 11th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
It turns out that my four year-old daughter didn’t really want to hear about her dad’s recovery—she wanted her dad back, whole, complete. She cared a lot less about what I brought to her than the time I took over what she brought to me, “That’s the most fabulous hand print saucer I’ve ever seen, I love it, is it for me?” Over the years, I would bring it up from time to time—I have a pamphlet here, want to read it? Ever hear of Alateen?—but she expressed no interest. I was counseled to approach talking with her about recovery like talking with her about sex; if...
March 11th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
It turns out that my four year-old daughter didn’t really want to hear about her dad’s recovery—she wanted her dad back, whole, complete. She cared a lot less about what I brought to her than the time I took over what she brought to me, “That’s the most fabulous hand print saucer I’ve ever seen, I love it, is it for me?” Over the years, I would bring it up from time to time—I have a pamphlet here, want to read it? Ever hear of Alateen?—but she expressed no interest. I was counseled to approach talking with her about recovery like talking with her about sex; if...
“Give Time Time”
March 4th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
My first counselor job was on the lower east side of Manhattan in a one-hundred bed, co-ed, long-term Methadone to abstinence residential facility that used the Therapeutic Community model. We had weekly encounter groups, patients wore signs at morning meetings for contracts (‘I received this contract for sneaky behavior; what I have learned is to be straight up’), earned the right to move up levels for good behavior, and “tops” put patients “on the wall” to give them information and punishment for rule infractions. Because it was publically funded, 12 Step programs were...
March 4th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
My first counselor job was on the lower east side of Manhattan in a one-hundred bed, co-ed, long-term Methadone to abstinence residential facility that used the Therapeutic Community model. We had weekly encounter groups, patients wore signs at morning meetings for contracts (‘I received this contract for sneaky behavior; what I have learned is to be straight up’), earned the right to move up levels for good behavior, and “tops” put patients “on the wall” to give them information and punishment for rule infractions. Because it was publically funded, 12 Step programs were...
My Father’s Son
February 7th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Until I got sober, I didn’t understand that because I had grown up with an alcoholic father, there was a blank spot in me when it came to expectations about men and about me. My dad was a good guy, well-meaning and a good provider, never intentionally cruel or unkind. He was, however, more or less always under the influence to some degree or another. On top of that, he arranged his life so that he was always away from home about fifteen days out of every thirty. So, he was emotionally unavailable when he was home, and half the time he was physically not present. As a boy, I...
February 7th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
Until I got sober, I didn’t understand that because I had grown up with an alcoholic father, there was a blank spot in me when it came to expectations about men and about me. My dad was a good guy, well-meaning and a good provider, never intentionally cruel or unkind. He was, however, more or less always under the influence to some degree or another. On top of that, he arranged his life so that he was always away from home about fifteen days out of every thirty. So, he was emotionally unavailable when he was home, and half the time he was physically not present. As a boy, I...
“First Things First”
January 4th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
At a retreat, I heard Father Terry give two criteria for a sponsor: someone who wouldn’t give you too much advice, and someone who wouldn’t be burdened by your secrets. I didn’t pick my sponsor, which was a good thing since my ‘picker’ was broken. Instead, my sponsor was picked for me, and I was cared for in some perfect, inexplicable way. It was an example for me of letting things happen instead of making things happen. At a meeting, listening to someone gush about loving everyone in AA, my sponsor leaned over and whispered to me, ‘If you love everybody in AA,...
January 4th, 2011 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
At a retreat, I heard Father Terry give two criteria for a sponsor: someone who wouldn’t give you too much advice, and someone who wouldn’t be burdened by your secrets. I didn’t pick my sponsor, which was a good thing since my ‘picker’ was broken. Instead, my sponsor was picked for me, and I was cared for in some perfect, inexplicable way. It was an example for me of letting things happen instead of making things happen. At a meeting, listening to someone gush about loving everyone in AA, my sponsor leaned over and whispered to me, ‘If you love everybody in AA,...
“Stand in the Light”
December 23rd, 2010 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
In playful irony, my Higher Power chooses to speak to me through the most unlikely people. He smoked, he had a ‘cock-of-the-walk’ arrogance to him, and he seemed perpetually angry. Of this small group of recovering men that I was part of, he was the one that I liked the least. I couldn’t believe that he had over a decade of sobriety. So, when I asked if anyone was interested in going on a camping trip that I was planning for Easter weekend with me and my 6-year old daughter, he was not the guy I wanted to respond. You guessed it; he was the one who said, “Sure, I’d...
December 23rd, 2010 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
In playful irony, my Higher Power chooses to speak to me through the most unlikely people. He smoked, he had a ‘cock-of-the-walk’ arrogance to him, and he seemed perpetually angry. Of this small group of recovering men that I was part of, he was the one that I liked the least. I couldn’t believe that he had over a decade of sobriety. So, when I asked if anyone was interested in going on a camping trip that I was planning for Easter weekend with me and my 6-year old daughter, he was not the guy I wanted to respond. You guessed it; he was the one who said, “Sure, I’d...
Smart Feet
December 10th, 2010 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I went to my first retreat because it was suggested that I do so—I was enjoying a period of ‘smart feet.’ As it happened, it was a weekend Step Study with Father Terry at Casa de Maria in Montecito, just south of Santa Barbara. Casa de Maria was an old estate that dated from the silent film era, had passed to the Catholic Church and lately had become an ecumenical retreat. It was beautiful, with Spanish tile and dark wood, surrounded by live oak, citrus and olive trees. The setting was gorgeous, and the lectures were entertaining and insightful, but I was a mess. Father Terry...
December 10th, 2010 / Recovery News / Andrew Rohrer
I went to my first retreat because it was suggested that I do so—I was enjoying a period of ‘smart feet.’ As it happened, it was a weekend Step Study with Father Terry at Casa de Maria in Montecito, just south of Santa Barbara. Casa de Maria was an old estate that dated from the silent film era, had passed to the Catholic Church and lately had become an ecumenical retreat. It was beautiful, with Spanish tile and dark wood, surrounded by live oak, citrus and olive trees. The setting was gorgeous, and the lectures were entertaining and insightful, but I was a mess. Father Terry...
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